My Netflix Friend

Another Netflix delivery came in without the disk. Has this happened to you? I got home the other day, and I had a krinkled red front sheet from Netflix with the customary address label on it, but instead of its having disk 2 of Season 5 of CSI attached, it had, 'RECEIVED WITHOUT CONTENTS' emblazoned on it by the post office.



Oh, sure. A likely story.

This is the second time this has happened to me. The first time was only about 10 days ago. I got the front label, stamped 'RECEIVED WITHOUT CONTENTS', and no Dean Martin/Jerry Lewis movie attached. And about a week ago, I received my rental of 'Grey Gardens', cracked in half. It's very hard to watch it when it's like that. Believe me; I tried.

I realize that this could be someone's idea of commentary on my selection of rental titles.

As I had done the first time I got a wrapper without a disk, I contacted Netflix by phone. Have you ever contacted Netflix by phone? Netflix people are tickled to death when you call them. Disneyland is no longer the happiest place on earth. About two years ago, I called Netflix to inform them I had gotten a disk out of order, and would they please send me the previous one. They were so happy, I thought they were going to have a party. I could have sworn I heard a chorus of 'Kumbaya' in the background.

Anyway, so now I called and talked to someone who claimed to be Heather. And I said, Heather, I'm very glad that you're doing wonderfully and I'm doing well. But mostly, I want to alert you to the fact that some very strange things have been going on with my recent deliveries, and I don't want Netflix to think that I'm going around stomping on my rentals or trying to flush them down the toilet. And Heather, whose new baby is named Emma, and who loves my voice because I sound just like her favorite literature professor, and who just saw some beautiful shoes at Bergdorfs at 25% off if I'd like to hurry over there, said, "Don't you worry at all! We are well aware that things happen and they are No One's Fault! If we ever notice that there is a pattern of such occurrences in your area, rest assured that we will contact your postal authorities and continue to ensure quality deliveries of your rentals! And now, I would like to send out to you the next selection in your queue, as well as your missing title."

I wasn't ready for a response to this. I thought about this for a moment. I admit, I was tempted to ask her to send me out a pizza for dinner while she was at it. But then I realized that I was afraid she would.

Anyway, that is why I currently have Grey Gardens, CSI season 5 disk 2, Living It Up, and a documentary about Jackson Pollock. I actually don't have enough time to watch them all, but I just didn't have the heart to tell my new friend Heather that.


Next Up: Heather delivers Chris's next disk personally, and Chris calls the cops.