Yes, Virginia. It's Just You.

I hate the phone.

Am I the only one?

I just got off the phone with someone I think the world of, and I know I was kind of rude. It's not about him. It's about the phone. If the phone were a living thing, I'd have the Dicken's of a time not squashing the life out of it.

It's not that I don't recognize it for the life-saver and problem-solver it can be. But I hate talking on it. I hate the sound of it. I hate that it's even in the room with me. Sometimes I ask it to step outside.

My favorite person in the world could call me and, unless there was an issue that couldn't be solved by an email or a personal visit or ANY OTHER WAY, I'd have to say, 'Oh, it's good to hear from you (Carol Burnett, Emma Thompson, George Clooney, Desmond Tutu, Laura Linney, Jimmy Carter, my brother, my partner, my nephew, Rachel Maddow, or Johnny Depp), but I have to go put out a stove fire right now.'

I honestly can't stand it. And I don't know why. I have no clue. You know how you sometimes can't stand the smell of a certain thing that seems innocuous enough to everyone else? You know how you just like one color and don't like another one? You know how you love big dogs but you'd never have a little dog, no matter what? You don't really know why these things happen to be, but they are. You know how that is?

Well, I just hate the phone. Go figure.

But, for some reason, everyone else in the universe, alive or dead, just LOVES the phone. They say they don't like the phone, but they are on it all the time. And they like to have it in the car with them. Why the hell is that? Sometimes I get in my car just to get away from the phone.

I don't answer the phone at home. And people get miffed. Sorry. Here's a formal apology. I'm sorry I won't talk on the phone. It's just my way. Like people you can't invite out to sushi, because it makes them gag. You don't like it, because sushi's your favorite thing ever. But you accept this about the other person: they won't go out and have sushi with you. Same, here. You want to talk to me: email. For me, needing email is like everyone else's needing to have a cell phone with them at the mall, a bluetooth in their good ear, and three phones in their home. I like the opposite. That's just how it is.

I got a blog comment here recently, from Anonymous. Anonymous said something like: Oh, you like to talk about all sorts of things, but not In Person. That was from 'ANONYMOUS'. Anyway, I deleted it. I felt it was confrontational, and I didn't know who it was. Who needs that? Life is precious.

But now I'm thinking, that person may just be miffed that I hate the phone. And I feel kinda bad about that, because I love my friends. I don't hate talking to my friends. My friends are neat-o. But let it be on record that, if you want to talk to me for more than 30 seconds or so, come on over.

Of course, email first.

UPDATE: My friend Kerry just informed me SHE was the unknown commentor. Which means, of course, that the comment was absolutely appropriate and appreciated!