Bran New

This kind of thing cracks me up. It's a long article, but that's okay because it's also irritating. Emily sent this to me because I'm too much of a lazy-ass to find good stuff like this, myself.

Scrapbooking is how I started doing whatever it is you'd call it that I do. So I have the utmost respect for it. I still enjoy it. But it doesn't often feed the soul. It's an accounting, but it isn't what's inside. And what's inside must come out. And let me illustrate that simple principle of letting what's inside come out:

I had an unexpected realization, lately. I've realized that fasting can give you lots of energy. Yes, even more than Chock's vitamins. Oh, sure, we've all heard it from the fasting gurus, but we don't want to believe it. But I'll tell you how I know it's true.

First, I had an intestinal flu. I would imagine that many of us have had such a flu and it doesn't bear description, but I'd never had one and let me tell you: it rids you of everything, including your dignity. At the end of it, you got nothing left. And I thought, wow, when this is over I'm going to need some rest.

But that's not what happened! When all was said and, eh, done, I felt energized! I told myself, C-Baby (that's what I call me), you're just imagining this super-energy feeling. You feel this perky only in contrast to what you were feeling yesterday. You're just relieved!

Well, there just happened to be on my schedule for the next week, a colonoscopy. Because, I'm an AARP member, and one of the requirements of membership is to get probed. No one's investigated this organization, and I'm sure I'm not the only one with suspicions about them. Aliens? Maybe. However, I haven't really done anything about my suspicions because another of their membership requirements is to sow as many wild oats as you can. And that's my kind of group. I've done my best to fulfill all the membership requirements this year. In many respects the process has been very rewarding.

Well, contrary to what one might think, the colonoscopy requirement was no exception. I had to have 'a procedure' which necessitated my fasting and 'cleansing'. This was my second 'cleansing' in ten days. And let me tell you, the probing is nothing compared to the preparation for probing. I haven't been that miserable since I was channel-surfing one night and accidentally caught a glimpse of Gene Simmons on Celebrity Apprentice. I mean, it was HORRIFYING!

But, I managed to get through it, have my time on the gurney, and get back home. I had been told to take the whole day off work because I'd be drowsy.

Were they kidding?! I was FABULOUS! I was full of energy. There were things to do and people to see! And things to eat and people, well.

Anyway, I had lunch.

And then, I went right to the office and started working, and I haven't stopped moving. It's amazing. I'm getting stuff done Mother Teresa only dreamed of. And she wasn't even a member of AARP!

To make a short story long, what I'm saying is, if you are one of those, like myself, who giggle at the idea of fasting, let me tell you something. The fasting gurus are on to something. I may fast once a week, now. Just THINK of all the art I could get done!! Sure, this would be a mixed bag for you people, but I'd feel so darn productive! I've learned a valuable lesson, here. Not only can my art benefit from letting out what's inside, but my body can, as well. Feel free to take that with you today.

Next up: Chris drifts off during a Waltons rerun.

Last-Minute Note: My partner just read this. Apparently, I was wrong about AARP membership requirements. They don't require us to sow our wild oats. It's actually something about oat bran. How strange. And I've wasted all this time on the other thing.